The Balance of Sexual Health
The other day I was having a conversation with my goddaughter about sexual health and I gave her the opportunity to decide what my next post would be, and she wanted to learn more about “Sexual Health”
Of course, this opened up a whole new can of worms because I asked her what sexual health meant to her and her response was STI information. Now, if you would have asked me this 4 years ago I would have had the same answer. However, the definition of sexual health not only encompasses STI but also sexual pleasure. So my conversation with her and this post will aim to address both STI information and sexual pleasure.
I worked as a Disease Intervention Specialist starting in 2013 and my own view of sexual health was just STI focused. I think that’s pretty common (for America). Most of us who are lucky enough to get sexual health class in school often get those old scare tactics or a curriculum that is deeply lacking in pleasure and diversity. Sadly, our experience is formed by this education (or lack of education, depending on your view and course), this simple look into a keyhole shapes our developing mind, so it’s no wonder that many people have a hard time exploring pleasure and understanding that pleasure is part of your sexual health. The World Health Organization defines sexual health as “a state of physical, emotional, mental and social well-being in relation to sexuality; it is not merely the absence of disease, dysfunction or infirmity”
To properly look at sexual health, we have to move away from the keyhole and open the door to look at all aspects of sex, this can include STI information, pleasure, consent, support, privacy, wellbeing. If you aren’t looking at the entire picture you might experience disconnection, stigma, shame and you might even put yourself at a higher risk of getting an STI.
When I was a DIS I found it so curious that people who came in for testing often said “I’m not worried because I’m not like that” and idea of “like that” has always been curious to me. Most of us DON’T want to be labeled as “risky” let’s explore this with a driving analogy. Most people (but not all) people wouldn’t self-identify as a bad driver. However, if you’ve been driving in America lately you will surly know that MANY people are bad drivers, maybe even you. So, it’s logical that when it comes to sex; not many people want to be viewed as risky. It’s that need to separate ourselves from the societal view of risky that causes many people to become textbook risky. When I did testing I had countless people say “I’m not like that, I’ve only had one partner” the common “my partner was tested a few years ago, so I’m not worried” or the ever popular “I can tell if someone has something” once again, these keyhole thoughts have many downfalls. First, they can limit our own experience, they can invalidate others experience and if you think having only one partner will remove your possibility for an STI transmission you are wrong. Flat our wrong. Your orgasm is your own responsibility as is your STI status. To be honest, the people that I never really worried about as a tester were the people who knew what they liked and knew their boundaries. They had a realistic view of sex and risk, this allowed them to plan before a sexual situation. Something that always raised an eyebrow to me was when I asked clients “what’s your ideal sex life” most people had never thought about that and weren’t able to answer.
If you are having sexual contact, you are probably going to be exposed to an STI at some point. An STI is part of the human experience, it’s NOT the cost of having sexual experiences. It’s NOT a judgment on your status as a good person or bad person. Your body was made for pleasure; this just comes with the territory. This is 2022, we are living in a great time in history. Any STI is either treatable or curable, its usually the stigma that sucks way more than the actual STI. Burning while urinating? Syphilis outbreak? Get a shot, sit on the bench for a week and you’re done. Herpes? Most people have it, and for most people it IS NOT life threating, it’s just inconvenient and full of misinformation/stigma. I’ve had partners living with herpes and all it required was a little communication. If they feel sick, if they’re having an outbreak then avoid sex for a few days. HIV, so not what it used to be. There are new treatments that can help you to become undetectable, and if you’re undetectable then you NOT going to transmit. It’s actually safer to be with someone who is undetectable vs some fuckboy you met on Tinder who say’s they were tested last year.
The really cool thing about all of this, is that yes, it is part of the human experience, but if you don’t want it to be part of your experience then you can prevent it. Go a step further, you can prevent it without having to sacrifice your pleasure. Conversations I used to love doing while testing was helping my clients brainstorm ways that allow them to have the sex they want to have while lowering the possibility of STI transmission. Of course, life is a bartering system and some things will have a higher possibility of transmission. If you’re into anonymous gangbangs without condoms then there is a certain amount of possibility you will have to accept, but still, there are tons of ways to lower possibilities. PrEP, Pep, pull out, even testing regularly. If you are living in CO I recommend contacting The Public Health Institute at Denver Health. They test people for free every 3 months (if you don’t need to be testing every 3 months then be a good person and leave that spot for someone who might), if you need to be tested more every 3 months then maybe balance it with paying your PCP or Planned Parenthood. If you are not living in CO, you should contact your local department of public health for free/low cost testing facilities. Research is even being done on using antibiotics as PrEP for STI, so who knows how prevention will look in a few years.
I’m including my favorite links about STI. This one talks about how society tends to stigmatize STI. These links will break down the more known STI and how possible it is to get them with specific activates like oral, vaginal/anal and other kinds of sex. It should be said that is a great list, but it’s not complete. Have an honest look at the pleasure you like and what you’re okay with. Then you can make a realistic and balanced plan that not only focuses on your STI status but also your pleasure. Are you still not really sure what your plan should be? Well, you’re on a site for sex coaching, book a session, I would be more than happy to help you plan a balanced approach to sexual health.