Are Social Media Stories the New Fairy Tales?
Are Social Media Stories the New Fairy Tales?
Before I start this post I’m going to acknowledge that social media is everywhere, social media has givenvoice, awareness and connection. It’s not going anywhere, and there are great things it has done andwill do for us. Hell, I’m going to be posting an excerpt of this post on Facebook. This post isn’t meant to bash social media or deter use of it, the point is…. well, let’s get to that a little later. Stories, I love thatword.
Stories do far more than just regal us. They speak to history, they can caution us, help us to dream big,they can even speak to our identity and culture. Stories can be how we relate to others and gives otherpeople the opportunity to relate to us. The stories we have in our life can shape our future and explainour past. The stories we tell ourselves can give us personal perspective to a topic. When I say “stories”am I talking about social media stories? Or fairy tale stories? If you think about it, I can apply this toeither. So let’s look at both then we will come back to sex and identity. When I say fairy tale, I don’t justmean the Disney version (but I will get to that).
Fairy tales have been around longer than that, we are talking thousands of years. These stories were passed orally from person to person. Originally, these tales were not made for children. They were darker, a lot darker. Themes like coming of age, abuse, empowerment, seduction, unrequited love, even rape and attraction to the near dead (or people viewed as dead) were in these stories. Art has often been used as social commentary, and fairy tales reflected the warnings and aspirations of the society that told them. These stories were orally passed, from the fancy salons of France to the homes of working people. Of course, these stories changed a lot over time and allowed the storytellers to make edits. Remember the telephone game? Sometimes the stories were told wrong, sometimes they were changed to fit new themes using a familiar story. In the early 18th century the Grimm brothers collected and published these stories. While times have changed the tradition of telling stories hasn’t and fairy tales being so well known and loved have followed us through the centuries, but once again, they were edited, made softer, sweeter, happier, and here comes Disney!
I love me a Disney movie and their take on fairy tales, but it is diluted, filtered if you will. The stories are retold but the messages are different, the tone is lighter and there is always a happy ending. This is a great example of how a storyteller can change a familiar story in such a way that gives the story a new life, a new lesson and a new moral. For me, these stories told me that villains are easy to spot, the prince is your goal and if you prove yourself brave, truthful and unselfish you WILL have a happy ending. Imagine my surprise when I realized that this wasn’t true. I discovered it wouldn’t be easy to spot a wolf in sheep’s clothing and the prince didn’t complete my life, that honor is all mine. I do love that Disney is now exploring better themes like; love that isn’t romantic and self-efficacy rather than waiting for a prince to save everything. These are all great things and reflective of where we are in 2022.
Now, here is where we come to social media. Once upon a time, I had a friend who was having a hard time being single. We talked and he said “I look at these people on Facebook with their partners and it looks so easy. They are in love, on vacation and seem to always be having wine and good food. I want that, I wish I could have that” I also have another friend who talked to me about how unhappy she was in her relationship and how miserable both her and her partner made each other. What is curious to me, is that the unhappy couple constantly posted images and stories about how great their lives are. Their story reflects a life of love, abundance and happiness, leading the audience to naturally think about how great their relationship and sex must be, but when you publish a story you have the power to edit it. Not loving the way you look? Well, guess what, there’s an app for that. With just a slide of a bar you can take years off, pounds off, you can even give yourself some cute cat ears. Now, if I’m on an
app and I see someone with cat ears I know they are not part feline, but the subtle filters, they can create a beautiful illusion. I have been on a few dates (well, more than a few) where the pictures were so well edited I had no idea who the hell the person was across the table (why lie, sometimes it was the bed, what can I say, when I RSVP I cum).
To be clear, I’m not bashing filters or people who post only happy pictures no matter what is actually happening. To be honest, I really understand that inclination. I have had days where I need to believe things are good. Days that I need to hold my breath, squeeze into my skinny jeans and dim the lights to hide my battle with gravity. These are the days that I need to change my story. Have you read my about me section? Do you have any idea how many pictures I took to get that one good picture for my website? I don’t fault the publisher, what I’m speaking to, is the harm that can come from believing an illusion.
If you google how often people are on social media, you will find that most studies show that the average person can spend about two hours a day on social media. Two hours of looking at someone else’s highlights and likes. That is two hours a day of subconsciously conditioning your brain to compare yourself to someone else. That is just scary. There are actual parts of our brain that light up when we get a like, we will receive dopamine (the feel good chemical) when we see those notifications. It can become intoxicating and addicting. The Canadian Association of Mental health reported that students in grades 7-12 who spent over 2 hours a day on social media reported higher depression, anxiety and suicidal thoughts.
Stories have gone from being told and left to interruption to a live and interactive experience that is being critiqued in real time. While I can see the great things that this interaction can do, I also look at the contrast. If our story/post isn’t liked what does that say about our personal experience? What happens if we link our value to validation from the 1000 friends we have never met? Am I attractive If the new standard of beauty is the end result of makeup, lighting, filters, fillers, doctors and a team of 10 people working hard to make getting out of my car look “natural”?